Monday, October 11, 2010

l0ve life..

my 1st l0ve is F..its n0t l0ve at the 1st sight c0z i've kn0wn him since f0rm 1..but we started 2 fall in l0ve at 2004..sharing l0ts 0f thing trip 2 genting was fun..we t0ok l0ts of pic tgether..walk ar0und..ate ice at sn0w w0rld..h0lding hands..ride a mery g0 r0und..very sweet..smething dat i cant easily f0rget..

but things change when he's at all the time..n0 time 4 me at all..i felt l0nely..and i started 2 sms sme1 else..but my l0ve 2 him nver change..then we argue a l0t..then he decide 2 br0ke up with me..i am sad..but i guess he d0esnt need me anym0re..and maybe its my fault t0o..but deep d0wn in my heart i still l0ve him..

then i m0ve friend intr0duce sme1 2 me..he was very kind, sweet and r0mantic guy..he called me..send me sms even when he is bz..he care b0ut me..he used 2 play guitar 4 me and sing..the m0ment dat i cant nver frget is when he played "killing me s0ftly with ur heart" using pian0..dats very sweet..he keep asking me 2 b his gf..but its hard 4 me 2 accept him..i keep c0mparing him wit F..and i cant frget F..after 8th times, he said "i cant b ur n0t him..but i cant f0rce u 2 l0ve me..i guess im n0t the 0ne that u're l00king 4"..then he left me..

after few m0nth..i keep getting msg fr0m unkn0wn number..ask me h0w am i d0ing..then ask me if i ever had a bf..i said n0..wh0 r u..he said he's F..he said he want me back..then i accept him..c0z i always l0ve him..wit all my heart..

but things n0t g0ing 2 b as easy as we thought..he said he want me and him 2 engange..c0z he d0esnt want 2 b any1 in my life..he wants 2 b sme1..i want it to0..but im 2 y0ung 4 dat..i nver imagine having a fiance at the age of 19..we argue b0ut dat..c0z i still have my future plan..i want 2 further study and get a better j0b..then we br0ke up again..juz bc0z 0f dat pr0blem..its stupid i think..but dats the truth..

its like a drama..c0uple then breaking tired 0f dis..but he still c0me back 2me..i accept him 0nce again..and dcide 2 give him 1 m0re chance..things g0ing very well..he even vsit me here at c0llege..he picked me up 4 semester break..i feel dat he care 4 me..but he always wit his style..nver call me..its always me wh0 called him..and its always me wh0 send me sms..but i kn0w him well..i kn0w he's bz wit study..dats y i can accept the way he friend said im 2 nice 2 him..c0z i nver c0mplaint b0ut dat..if i didnt send him sms, he will nver d0 dat either..s0metime m0re than a feel like i d0nt have any bf..he d0esnt kn0w anything b0ut me..when my dad passed away, he didnt even came 2 vsit me..when i had an accident, he didnt vsit me..but i still l0ve him..

on my burfday, he pr0mise 2 g0 out wit me..i called him th0usand time..but he didnt pick up the ph0ne..i wait 4 him at the place dat we pr0mise..but he didnt sh0w up..then i left..i called him again and again..but n0 clueless..its n0t the 1st time he been dissapearing..then i kn0w dat he's at uni..he send me sms like he didnt d0 anything wr0ng..but i still l0ve him..accept him..ohh..h0w stupid i am..and i just realise n0w..

after smester break he had a camp 2 bc0me fasilitat0r..he always been bz wit dat camp..he change a l0t..n0 time 4 me at all..i have a bad feeling b0ut dis..then i f0und 0ut dat he is cheating 0n me..he lied 2 me..but i guess n0 p0int 4 me 2 blame him..c0z we r far..i cant b wit him all the time..i asked him 2 choose btween and dat girl..but he cant choose..then i said 'lets break up'..i d0nt want 2 b the 3rd pers0n in ur l0ve life..carry 0n wit her..c0z she l0ves u 2..

i asked dat girl and she said dat she didnt kn0w dat im exist..i cant blame her..she said she l0ves F..its hurting me..thats y i left F f0r her..i think maybe she's the 1 f0r him..n0t me..but its hurting me when dat girl keep publishing b0ut her and F 0n her faceb00k..but i try 2 ign0re it..

and n0w..i felt my heart empty..6 years 0f relati0nship wit him its n0t smething dat i can frget in juz a day..but i kn0w dat im str0ng en0ugh 2 live my life...i still have family and friends wh0 l0ve me..maybe we're juz n0t meant 2 b tgether..maybe im juz n0t g0od en0ugh 4 him..0r maybe i deserve sme1 better..

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